There's no script or playbook with the right advice for how to deal with the suicide of a loved one.
It is particularly torturous for a private person in a public job, such as UFC women's bantamweight contender Cat Zingano, who will return to competition for the first time since the death of her husband, Mauricio, in January.
Zingano hasn't fought since defeating Miesha Tate on April 13, 2013, in Las Vegas – a win that was supposed to earn her a spot coaching opposite champion Ronda Rousey on The Ultimate Fighter.
A title shot went along with the coaching gig, but Zingano lost both opportunities when she injured her right knee in practice.
As she was compensating for the right, she injured the left and had to receive platelet-rich plasma therapy and stem cell therapy at the Ortho Regenerative Institute in Costa Mesa, Calif., in October.
But her husband, a noted coach and jiu-jitsu black belt, took his own life in January, and that sidelined Zingano even more.
As she has coped with the tragedy, her desire to once again fight has come back. All of her life, she said, she's been a fighter.
She fought when no one watched. She fought when there was no money. She fought when there was nothing tangible she got from it except for the satisfaction of doing it.
"It's a great physical outlet and something I've always loved," she said of fighting.
She'll face Amanda Nunes on the main card of UFC 178 on Sept. 27 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas with no guarantee she'll get a bout against Rousey even if she wins.
Leister Bowling, Zingano's coach with the Elevation Fight Team in Colorado, offered high praise for Nunes. He raved about the Brazilian's striking and jiu-jitsu, but said Zingano reminded him of massive former UFC heavyweight Shane Carwin.
"I've always said that Shane could come straight off a bar stool without training and probably be a top-five UFC heavyweight," Bowling said. "And I think Cat's that way. She's the female version of Shane Carwin. It's been a long time since she's fought, but she loves this and she's one of those fighters like Shane was who, when the bell rings, is going to come out guns a-blazing."
Zingano said she's going into the fight with Nunes with no expectations," but said "I'm looking forward to putting my hands on someone for a while."
Missing out on coaching the show and the title shot was difficult, she said, but it never got frustrating enough for her to ever consider walking away.
Quitting at anything isn't in her makeup. She said that when she was in high school at Fairview High in Boulder, Colo., she wrestled and trained with boys. One year, wrestlers from Fairview and nearby Lyons trained together.
Her training partners weren't kind, she said.
"Their goal wasn't just to make me leave the [wrestling] room and not come back, but they wanted to make me not want to wrestle ever again," Zingano said. "We've talked since and they said they wanted to make me quit for life. Every single time, even when I had twisted, sprained, broken things, I'd get up, slap hands and go again.
"My coach now was one of those people, he and his friend [Burt Stringer]. They wanted to make me quit, but he said that I'd won, because I wouldn't quit. And that's how I am. If I'm going to quit something, it's going to be because I decide to and not because someone made me."
Bowling laughed when he recalled those days. He was a three-time state champion at Lyons High School and his name appears all over the state's wrestling record book.
Zingano didn't have to prove her toughest to him, because he'd long since learned that. He remembered those training sessions very well and how Zingano kept coming back for more no matter how hard Stringer and he were on her.
"Our goal for sure was 100 percent to make her quit," Bowling said. "Cat took a beating and she'd hop up and ask for more. She's by far the toughest chick I've ever been around. By far."
Bowling said Zingano, who is 8-0, is even better than she was prior to her injury. She's trained for nearly six months non-stop, he said, and has not only gotten into magnificent shape but has gotten better in all areas.
Zingano's soft-spoken nature belies her physical toughness. She hopes to defeat Nunes at UFC 178 and that it catapults her into a fight with Rousey.
Rousey has become the biggest star in the UFC universe and the closest thing to an unbeatable fighter as exists in the eyes of many.
Zingano isn't among those who sees Rousey as unbeatable.
"People will see when I get my shot," she said. "I could talk about it all day long, but this is the kind of sport where talking doesn't matter. When they close the door, the talking means nothing. It's about the two fighters and I believe that eventually, I'll get that shot to prove myself to everyone."
A win over Rousey certainly wouldn’t make everything right for Zingano But a return to fighting, and shooting for a lofty goal, could serve as at least a bit of solace for a woman who has been dealt tough circumstances and refused to take no for an answer.
